Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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