You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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