I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
