so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
