420 ftw
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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