i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
