She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
