all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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