my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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