I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
