They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I feel great
I just peed on a car
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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