She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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