I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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