Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
