Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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