My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
