dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She needs sedatives and a leash
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
