I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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