I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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