The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
