This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
