In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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