does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
