I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Sorry my hands just texted you
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
A+ Viking dick
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
