After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
