I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
