I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
