I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My vagina is officially offended.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
