Me too!
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
