Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
