Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
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