I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
