i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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