I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
