There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
