It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
