holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
