ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
