Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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