You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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