I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
