i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
