I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
