just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
