If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
