Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
