He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
