I am puke
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
