Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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