doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
