I don't think brook has ever known best
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize