dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
