I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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