Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
