I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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