Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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