You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
