He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
