Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
