I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
