i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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