I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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