If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
