his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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