I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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