God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
