Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
