I wannas sexs uuuuu
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
