giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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