so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
