I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
