It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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