I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
