By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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