If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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