Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
