Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
