im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
