I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
How many fucks given?
0.12846
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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